Sunday, December 20, 2009

so, thanks to my beautiful friend, sarah holyoak windes, i am a huge tori amos fan. she is who i listen to the most when i am working on sewing projects. i have been sewing a lot lately and this one particular tori song makes me think of our most recent fallen angel, tiger woods. or maybe it makes me think of his wife more. either way...this goes out to them. all of it except the bank account part...she should take all she can.

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on a heavier tiger very eloquent friend, melinda, posted her thoughts about tiger's situation on her blog and what she wrote should probably be printed out, laminated, and handed to all future husbands and wives somewhere between the marriage proposal and the actual "i do's". she was kind enough to let me steal her words and post them here...

of tiger and growing

I don't really have an opinion of Tiger Woods other than I hate how he holds the microphone when he is giving post golf interviews. He holds it in the tips of his fingers. He doesn't grasp it firmly. I also don't really care for golf.

Yet despite this I am surprised at how bothered I am about his (alleged) yet documented, affair(s). Somewhere in wasting my time reading about it online, I came across a quote that one of his women said. She claims he wasn't happy in his marriage and family. It wasn't what he thought it would be.

How true that is, I don't know. But it makes me sad. Then I felt very sad and inspired to write about what I will tell my daughters and sons about marriage.

Before it is love, marriage is work.
It is work to communicate. It is work to understand. It is work to forgive. It is work to put away some of your dreams for another and to accept that same gift from them.
It is work to deal with extended families, different hobbies, different tastes in movies, different styles in socializing, different ways to want to spend time.
It is work to have a demanding job.
It is work to be home with children.

The way the world is going by the time my children are marriageable age they'll be permitted to marry a potato if that's what they want--you can become interested in anything. But can you turn interest into love? Real love.

Because, all those chick flicks and Disney Princess movies and fairy tales and love songs in my opinion do not talk about love. They talk about interest. They talk about infatuation-- then we run off on pounding hearts and deep desire and have instead to take out the trash and put the kids to bed alone while he has to sit in an office getting more and more pale and wondering what the hell has happened...

I have the blessing of having a real marriage with real challenges. I am surrounded by a number of people who have real difficulties in their life and, to the extent that it is my business, I see them striving their hardest to make the best of their situation. I see a lot of good marriages.

There is a deep interest that draws us to another person. But it is the effort that we both put into it that determines what will grow.

And growth does happen. Growth that is the most unmeasurable, and most intimately important growth we can do. No one here on earth will ever tell you good job for your patience, good job for your forgiveness, here is a raise for your willingness to communicate calmly with your spouse. Only you two will know the extent that growth has happened and the people you have become.

And that is how it should be.

So big C, Mms, Bears, d.d. and H. I wish you marriages built on your hard work, and growth known only by you, and happiness enough to fill the sea.

Because that is love.
And it isn't what we think it will be.
Its better.

-melina davis


Heather said...

hey! thanks for posting your friend's words... definitely what i needed!

P.S. New York, I'm so jealous. :)


Great post...great weekend. So, ummm, Craig....maybe you could...ummm, pass on the idea to...ummm,ummmm, know who???

Sophia said...

Wow...I loved that.

Carolyn Hansen said...

That was awesome. Thanks so much for sharing...